I sighed, the medicine finally kicking in, dulling my senses. The sound of the professors voice droned passed my ears as the hydrocodone raced through my veins giving my a drunken drowsiness.
The restless energy that coursed in my blood finally dispersed and I was able to relax my muscles. Many times I wondered why I was born in such a way, in such a world. The noise of books closing and paper rustling brought me back from my thoughts; the professor finally releasing us.
"Faith, you should come out with us for drinks!" i turned to look at the speaker. A skinny dark haired girl, I believe that her name was Aurora.
I smiled back at her. "Sure, just lemme know." it was purely reflex, knowing that they probably wouldn't call, and even if they did I wouldn't go. I watched as she joined with three other classmates, laughing at something as they walked out the door. A pain laced through my chest unexpectedly. Quickly I packed my books into my bag and hurried out of the classroom.
I was surprised when hours later my cellphone buzzed against my thigh. I had been meditating in my favorite tree, its colors had turned from a soothing green to a blood red.
"Hey Faith, its Aurora!"
"Hi"
"Just wanted to let you know that we're going to be going to a party downtown. You should come!"
"Um, I don't think Ill be able to make that." I replied easily. Solitude was better then trying to act okay, to act normal like them. There was a long pause on the other end.
"Faith, you never come out with us... do you have a problem with us?"
This was unexpected, normally they would just accept the answer and leave it at that.
"No not at all"
"You should come out with us, you're always being such a loner... come out and have fun for once" How I wish I could just be like them, being able to do as I please, let go and have fun when ever I wanted. Being around them just hurt. "Come on Faith, take a chance! Have fun with us."
Finally I agreed, if only to just shut her up, I didn't want to cause problems in class. I wanted to be as normal as I could and not stick out.
"Great! Ill pick you up at ten then" I hung up the phone and sighed. Switching my position I hooked my legs around the tree branch and swung down. Letting my legs loose I flipped onto the ground.
As I entered my apartment I turned on the Ipod that sat on the kitchen counter. Enjoying the soft sound of the piano as Mozart floated through the room. I sighed, holding myself up against the counter. I didn't want to go out. I didn't want to do anything... It was all so uninteresting, and I just didn't have the will to do anything. However o deal with the nonsense that I know would come of me not going out would take more energy then just going out in the first place.
Around nine thirty I heard a knock on the door. I took my time opening it, knowing that Aurora would be on the other side.
"Oh! you're not even ready yet!" I looked down at myself, I wore the same jeans and V-neck shirt that I had been wearing in class this afternoon, what was wrong with what I was wearing? She brushed passed me and into the living room. "Well! show me to your room and Ill help!" She was so upbeat, so oblivious to my difference of her. Unconsciously I showed her to my room, it was a bland room with a queen sized bed and a dresser. Next to her I felt embarrassed by its emptiness.
"Wow you're so clean"
"Thanks..." I realized that I hadn't said a word since she had gotten there.
"you should see my room! Its such a mess... and you're so lucky! what a huge apartment, and its all to yourself? I have to live with four girls... we have to rent out time for the bathroom, its ridiculous!" I watched dully as she raided through my closet. Pulling out clothes as she talked. It was odd having a girl here, acting like a normal college student. Suddenly she made a high pitched squeal and yanked out a deep blue silk shirt, I had gotten it for some job assignment a year before. Twenty minutes later we were in her car traveling downtown.
"Where are we going?"
"Oh! to John's house, you know john from our class right?" I shrugged. "The tall one with glasses and brown hair. "I nodded in response, the image of who she was speaking about coming to mind. "He's having a get together with a bunch of friends, we're playing beer pong and everything!" She giggled at the thought. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye, how I wish I could be like her. Free-spirited, happy and ignorant of everything around her. She was pretty and fun, something that the guys our age loved.
We pulled up to a white house that sat a few feet from the road, I could tell that the party had been going strong. Fear gripped me, the need to run from the mass of people that I saw through open windows was strong. Aurora grinned widely at me as she got out of the car, I took a deep breath, readying myself for the plunge before unhooking my seat belt and getting out of the car.
I walked behind her as we entered the house, my ears assaulted by the loud music and even louder voices. I watched as she greeted everyone we passed by with a hug and a kiss on the cheek; at times she would turn back and introduce me to someone. We continued on through the house until we came across the keg that sat in the back of the house. I poured myself some before separating from the crowd, content to sit against the wall and watch the party. I scratched at my wrist before taking a swig. The taste of the beer revolted against my tastebuds, but I forced myself to swallow it down, determined to look normal among them.
Aurora suddenly appeared in front of me and pulled me into the crowd, saying that some of our classmates were here. I followed behind her until we came to the entryway. John, the owner of the house was greeting the new comers, one of which I recognized as a professor. I greeted him with a nod before taking notice of the man that followed behind him. He stood in the door, cast in the shadow of the night, as if he was not comfertable with being in the air and light of the party. He took a step forward before extending a hand to John. he was tall, hair spiked in odd angles.
"Spike"
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Goodbye 2008, Welcome 2009
As I sit here, burned by the kisses of the sun's rays, I slowly realize that the year of infinity, 2008, is actually coming to a close. The year has been so very good to me, as I had thought it might.
And as my life in 2008 ends, I'll now reflect on it, and soon welcome the dawn of my new life in 2009.
January
At the dawning of 2008, I was relishing in the love that I had found in a boy named Eric. It was free and silly. Something that I still look back on when "Hands Down" comes on. I was given a part in the Glass Menagerie at MVCC, which put me in a part that I had yet tried to play, a girl that was socially awkward, to the fact of recluse. Quite a different role compared to Grace in Bus Stop and Mrs. Webb in Ourtown...
February
Feb. brought both heartache and Love, quite interesting for a month that revolves around it Valentines day. A long drawn out breakup, mostly because of my belief in it working, hurt me deeply all the way up until Valentines day. To which I went to a "Anti-valentines day dinner" and formally met a guy names Tyler. Someone who is radically different from myself, I now believe that opposites attract. From any man that Ive ever met, I know now that the saying " Women Marry Men Who Are Like Their Fathers" means. By the end of the month we were dating...
March
March brought my surgery that really did nothing at all. After removing my gall bladder, hoping that it would stop my stomach aches, unfortunatly they have not. My doctors now believe that I have syliac disease, which I addimently refuse to believe... If you dont know what that means? it means that Im allergic to gluten, meaning no bread, pasta, pancakes... yeah I might just die...
April
Tyler and I are still in out "honeymoon" stage of the relationship... Tyler's birthday suprise planned by myself went off without a hitch. I also was granted my last part at MVCC, Lenny, the older sister in the play "Crimes of the Heart". Which is one of my favorite, though it was quite boring. I was able to finally perform with my best friend Danielle, something that we hadnt been able to do for our entire college career.
May
FInally my graduation from MVCC has come! I was so incredibly happy at this point I didnt care what was going on except for the fact that I no longer had to go back to that place. My eyes were now set on the new sights of furthering my education. Where to? I sent out many, many applications. SOme of them were easy schools, some were not. The one school that I wanted to go was Albany, but I never believed that I would get in...
June
Most of June was spent working and going back and forth to Cooperstown to see Tyler.
July
Six months... One of my longest relationships ever... We celebrated with a huge dinner out at the Casino. This month I also recieved the news that I got into Oneonta State, after a week of trying to find housing I then recieved the most influencial letter of my life. My acceptance letter to Albany. I immidiatly started finding loans that would loan just to me so that my parents didnt have to worry about money problems from me anylonger...
August
After going "on leave" from the casino, I used a lot of my stored up money to buy the things that I needed for my new apartment room. Final descisions are being made now about where I am to stay and what i am to eat. I meet my roommate and suitmates as well this month. All I can say is interesting... haha The hard part of this all is my relationship with Tlyer. We went through quite a rough patch deciding if we were to stay together. Lighting ceremony... New Classes... New Life
September
Again my life is pulled between my past life in Utica and my New life in ALbany. My roommate has turned out to be more of a party animal then I thought, I many times feel like an old person near her because half the time I dont feel like going out at all. Acting class is hell... Shakespeare? All Semester!? shoot me...
October
This is the month that all hell broke loose in Albany... Richard Bailey, a fellow student and WT goer, is shot and killed, the campus goes into mourning and insanity breaks out downtown. Break ins, muggings, and the like break out everywhere. None of us feel safe for quite some time, even us living uptown lock both our outer doors and our inner bedroom doors for a time. Lots of time is spent in the costume shop...
November
Finally legal!! This month was crazy amazing. Though I know that the previous statement isnt very gramatically correct, it describes the feeling of this month perfectly. Free Champagne from WTs, Birthday party in Utica, Bar hopping... Plus of course Thanksgiving which is my favorite food time of the year...
Decemeber
This month started out as hell. Within the first two weeks I had over ten things do, including a 45 min oral presentation, a re-write of a shakespeare play (kill me) and a 15 page essay... I was stressed out beyond belief... The most amazing night was the night that everything was turned in and all tests were taken. Me and the Suities decided to have a Albany Tea Party, which consisted of Twisted Tea, Smirnoff, and lots of beer... Quite a good time. I was also the last one to leave the apartment, leaving me quite rediculously lonely for a day and a half... I was freaked out that the apartment was so quiet. I love planes by the way, I love taking off and landing, Im such a speed demon... This leaves me to my present position. Florida. I had a wonderful christmas, and got many amazing gifts, the most amazing being a Playstation 3. However by the 27th a panic attack hits when my computer totally fries... I am not looking for a new computer as the new year starts off...
2009...
What are you to bring?
The numerical number nine is one of the most significant single digit numbers known.
Number of the patience, the meditation
Number of the harmony, it represents the inspiration and the perfection of the ideas
As a product of 3 x 3, it is the expression of the perfection, the symbol of the virile power, in addition to be associated to the couple
Being the last simple number, it is the number of finalization or finition; it is therefore the most complex, that marks the full lighting up of the numerical series
Sympathy, generosity; dramatic, artistic talent (higher octave—teacher, master)
So many things that can mean the world to me, can potentially happen in this year...
power of the couple... hopefully Tyler and I will continue to learn, love and grow together as we have this past year, now that he has moved out to Albany I believe that things will change for the better and we no longer will have the stress of distance upon us.
The fact that it is the last number, the finalization of things... To a couple it can mean marriage or breakup. Hopefully it is applying to my book... That it will finally become its last stage, PUBLISHED!
That last statement really gets me, artistic talent- higher octave. I really hope that this is refearing to the move to get my masters, that I get accepted to the school that I want, and that Ty and I will be able to deal with the stresses that will soon come with a new possible move. Also I hope that it might refear to my career, becoming an actor, writer and teacher...
2009 you have the endless possibility to make or break me, I cant wait to delve into you to see what it is that you hold!
And as my life in 2008 ends, I'll now reflect on it, and soon welcome the dawn of my new life in 2009.
January
At the dawning of 2008, I was relishing in the love that I had found in a boy named Eric. It was free and silly. Something that I still look back on when "Hands Down" comes on. I was given a part in the Glass Menagerie at MVCC, which put me in a part that I had yet tried to play, a girl that was socially awkward, to the fact of recluse. Quite a different role compared to Grace in Bus Stop and Mrs. Webb in Ourtown...
February
Feb. brought both heartache and Love, quite interesting for a month that revolves around it Valentines day. A long drawn out breakup, mostly because of my belief in it working, hurt me deeply all the way up until Valentines day. To which I went to a "Anti-valentines day dinner" and formally met a guy names Tyler. Someone who is radically different from myself, I now believe that opposites attract. From any man that Ive ever met, I know now that the saying " Women Marry Men Who Are Like Their Fathers" means. By the end of the month we were dating...
March
March brought my surgery that really did nothing at all. After removing my gall bladder, hoping that it would stop my stomach aches, unfortunatly they have not. My doctors now believe that I have syliac disease, which I addimently refuse to believe... If you dont know what that means? it means that Im allergic to gluten, meaning no bread, pasta, pancakes... yeah I might just die...
April
Tyler and I are still in out "honeymoon" stage of the relationship... Tyler's birthday suprise planned by myself went off without a hitch. I also was granted my last part at MVCC, Lenny, the older sister in the play "Crimes of the Heart". Which is one of my favorite, though it was quite boring. I was able to finally perform with my best friend Danielle, something that we hadnt been able to do for our entire college career.
May
FInally my graduation from MVCC has come! I was so incredibly happy at this point I didnt care what was going on except for the fact that I no longer had to go back to that place. My eyes were now set on the new sights of furthering my education. Where to? I sent out many, many applications. SOme of them were easy schools, some were not. The one school that I wanted to go was Albany, but I never believed that I would get in...
June
Most of June was spent working and going back and forth to Cooperstown to see Tyler.
July
Six months... One of my longest relationships ever... We celebrated with a huge dinner out at the Casino. This month I also recieved the news that I got into Oneonta State, after a week of trying to find housing I then recieved the most influencial letter of my life. My acceptance letter to Albany. I immidiatly started finding loans that would loan just to me so that my parents didnt have to worry about money problems from me anylonger...
August
After going "on leave" from the casino, I used a lot of my stored up money to buy the things that I needed for my new apartment room. Final descisions are being made now about where I am to stay and what i am to eat. I meet my roommate and suitmates as well this month. All I can say is interesting... haha The hard part of this all is my relationship with Tlyer. We went through quite a rough patch deciding if we were to stay together. Lighting ceremony... New Classes... New Life
September
Again my life is pulled between my past life in Utica and my New life in ALbany. My roommate has turned out to be more of a party animal then I thought, I many times feel like an old person near her because half the time I dont feel like going out at all. Acting class is hell... Shakespeare? All Semester!? shoot me...
October
This is the month that all hell broke loose in Albany... Richard Bailey, a fellow student and WT goer, is shot and killed, the campus goes into mourning and insanity breaks out downtown. Break ins, muggings, and the like break out everywhere. None of us feel safe for quite some time, even us living uptown lock both our outer doors and our inner bedroom doors for a time. Lots of time is spent in the costume shop...
November
Finally legal!! This month was crazy amazing. Though I know that the previous statement isnt very gramatically correct, it describes the feeling of this month perfectly. Free Champagne from WTs, Birthday party in Utica, Bar hopping... Plus of course Thanksgiving which is my favorite food time of the year...
Decemeber
This month started out as hell. Within the first two weeks I had over ten things do, including a 45 min oral presentation, a re-write of a shakespeare play (kill me) and a 15 page essay... I was stressed out beyond belief... The most amazing night was the night that everything was turned in and all tests were taken. Me and the Suities decided to have a Albany Tea Party, which consisted of Twisted Tea, Smirnoff, and lots of beer... Quite a good time. I was also the last one to leave the apartment, leaving me quite rediculously lonely for a day and a half... I was freaked out that the apartment was so quiet. I love planes by the way, I love taking off and landing, Im such a speed demon... This leaves me to my present position. Florida. I had a wonderful christmas, and got many amazing gifts, the most amazing being a Playstation 3. However by the 27th a panic attack hits when my computer totally fries... I am not looking for a new computer as the new year starts off...
2009...
What are you to bring?
The numerical number nine is one of the most significant single digit numbers known.
Number of the patience, the meditation
Number of the harmony, it represents the inspiration and the perfection of the ideas
As a product of 3 x 3, it is the expression of the perfection, the symbol of the virile power, in addition to be associated to the couple
Being the last simple number, it is the number of finalization or finition; it is therefore the most complex, that marks the full lighting up of the numerical series
Sympathy, generosity; dramatic, artistic talent (higher octave—teacher, master)
So many things that can mean the world to me, can potentially happen in this year...
power of the couple... hopefully Tyler and I will continue to learn, love and grow together as we have this past year, now that he has moved out to Albany I believe that things will change for the better and we no longer will have the stress of distance upon us.
The fact that it is the last number, the finalization of things... To a couple it can mean marriage or breakup. Hopefully it is applying to my book... That it will finally become its last stage, PUBLISHED!
That last statement really gets me, artistic talent- higher octave. I really hope that this is refearing to the move to get my masters, that I get accepted to the school that I want, and that Ty and I will be able to deal with the stresses that will soon come with a new possible move. Also I hope that it might refear to my career, becoming an actor, writer and teacher...
2009 you have the endless possibility to make or break me, I cant wait to delve into you to see what it is that you hold!
Friday, October 10, 2008
In the Begining
I've decided to give this Blogger.com a chance.
Change is coming, I can feel it in the air around me, and when that happens I have a hard time sitting still and not drastically changing myself. Many times I find myself taking leave and going some where for a couple of days, however I can no longer do that for I am out at school and cannot allow myself that luxury any longer. I just hope that I can handle it without going crazy.
I have finally finished all of my edits on the story Guarding Heritage, I really need to just send it out. I constantly am finding ways to change it when truly it doesnt need to be changed at all. Why should I have to continue to change it when I know that deep down Im just trying to avoid the inevitable, I need to send it out to publishers, and I need to do it now. Three new stories are rivaling for attention, like siblings for their mother, in my mind. I can no longer just focus on the "first born".
9 months in 4 days...
I've decided that Ireland is now a date, mid-July I will be flying to the gren isle for a month to study. No longer will I just wish and hope, I will now act and do.
Change is coming, I can feel it in the air around me, and when that happens I have a hard time sitting still and not drastically changing myself. Many times I find myself taking leave and going some where for a couple of days, however I can no longer do that for I am out at school and cannot allow myself that luxury any longer. I just hope that I can handle it without going crazy.
I have finally finished all of my edits on the story Guarding Heritage, I really need to just send it out. I constantly am finding ways to change it when truly it doesnt need to be changed at all. Why should I have to continue to change it when I know that deep down Im just trying to avoid the inevitable, I need to send it out to publishers, and I need to do it now. Three new stories are rivaling for attention, like siblings for their mother, in my mind. I can no longer just focus on the "first born".
9 months in 4 days...
I've decided that Ireland is now a date, mid-July I will be flying to the gren isle for a month to study. No longer will I just wish and hope, I will now act and do.
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